Of Mermaids and Terminators
by Nymariaa
Summary: Cas fell and has trouble sleeping as a human. Dean keeps him company. "Ariel again, huh?"


(Season 10 AU)

"Ariel again, huh?"

The fallen angel didn't stir as Dean let himself drop on the couch seat next to him. His only reaction was a tightening of his arms around his legs. He didn't resemble the powerful, otherworldly being he once was, there was no static in the air and no force to assert his presence.

Instead there were dark circles under his eyes and uneven stubble covering his cheeks. He looked incredibly human and vulnerable in the way he curled into himself.

"I like it," Cas said without inflection, maybe even a tad defensively over his choice of movie.

Dean sighed in reply. "I know you do, Cas. But why couldn't it be something like, I don't know, ' _the Lion King'_?"

If it absolutely had to be Disney, ' _the Lion King'_ would be a much better choice. He just couldn't understand what the appeal was. In the last three weeks since their confrontation with Death and their return to the Bunker, Cas had watched _'The Little Mermaid'_ at least two times and that was only when Dean noticed. For all he knew it could be a dozen times already.

Then again, who was he to judge if it helped him through this. Ever since he fell, Cas had trouble adjusting. He couldn't sleep for more than two to three hours each night and nothing they did seemed to help. Sleeping pills just made him more tired and all conventional methods like counting sheep fell flat. It was a shitty situation all around and at least the movies made it easier for Cas to get through the night. Though why he had to choose _Ariel_ was anyone's guess.

Cas didn't respond to the question, his eyes remained fixed to the screen. For a while they just sat there and watched in silence, until Cas looked directly over to Dean and said hesitantly, "You don't have to stay, Dean." Then he paused for a moment, searching for words. "I am aware of the fact that you do not like such films. Maybe you should head back to bed."

In response Dean leaned back and made himself more comfortable."Nah, I'm already awake. And it isn't so bad, the witch is pretty cool. She has these tentacles and can transform into a giant sea monster," Dean said and threw a grin in Castiel's direction.

Cas' lips twitched into a slight smile as he turned to Dean. "I thought you hate witches?" His eyes were warm, skin crinkled at the edges and so infinitely blue that they seemed to glow in the meager light. From what he could remember Jimmy never had such eyes.

"Totally true. But she's still badass," he said with a smile. "Even her name sounds badass." He lowered his voice and deliberately growled, "Ursula."

Cas' answering smile grew a little more pronounced. "That does sound frightful."

For some time there was silence and only the noises from the film filled the air. Until Dean decided to suddenly break it and exclaim, "Please don't ever use a fork to brush your hair, Cas!"

With a scowl Cas turned to Dean and glared. "I know, Dean. I'm not a child. Nor a sea princess."

Dean laughed and said teasingly, "Well, I don't know about that. You kind of remind me of Ariel… or, you know, E.T."

"That is incorrect as I neither lost my voice, nor the ability to breathe and swim underwater," Cas responded with a furrowed brow. "And I'm not an alien," he added in irritation.

Quite abruptly the atmosphere changed, as Dean's expression shuttered and all the teasing disappeared from his face.

"No." His voice cracked slightly. "Just your grace. You're human now, too. And you can't go back, can't go home. Ever." He swallowed hard and added barely audibly, "You're stuck down here, Cas."

He didn't look at him as he vocalized what was on his mind for the last three weeks.

"It was my choice, Dean." Cas voice had softened and his hand made a movement in Dean's direction, but he stopped and let it fall to the side. "It was the measure with the least cost considering the circumstances. You have heard Death, Dean. If I hadn't been there to burn out the mark with my grace, the results could have been catastrophic. We were fortunate that Death knew a way for me to avert this fate."

Dean closed his eyes in defeat. God, this was awful. They didn't talk about this, damn it, why start now? "I know. Dear old Death wanted to trap me in space. Yippee. But you could have died, Cas," he said with a sigh. "And now you're trapped here instead and a human and there's nothing I can do about it! You shouldn't have had to do that. It's not fair! I'm not- ," He stopped abruptly.

This time Cas' hand didn't shy away from contact and he firmly grasped Dean's hand. "You are, Dean. You are worthy of much greater sacrifice and I am glad I was able to help."

Dean closed his eyes to escape Cas' penetrating gaze, as he squeezed his hand slightly and let go. "Please don't say that, Cas."

But Cas continued relentlessly, "And I like being human. I will learn and adapt to this life. I'm not trapped, I'm free. Free to make my own choices, to decide my own fate. And I have a family this time."

Somehow that statement made Dean feel even worse. Of course he remembered the first time Cas experienced humanity and how he was forced to kick him out of the bunker, because he let an angel possess his brother and lost control of the situation. Somehow he always managed to mess up. If he hadn't taken the Mark from Cain all of this would never have happened. Then again, maybe Abbadon would have killed them already, so there was that. At least the demon bitch was dead.

"You like being powerless?" he asked and added 'and mortal' in his mind.

Puzzled, Cas replied, "You're not powerless and neither am I."

Of course the angel didn't get it. He was human and had no mind tricks left. Dean had to make it clear, spell it out, because else Cas would just be confused.

"I don't want you to become a hunter, Cas." He could see how fast his statement took effect when Cas' eyes widened in distress and his mouth thinned in alarm.

"Why?" he asked in a small voice startlingly dissimilar to the depth of his angelic, true voice. "I want to accompany you and Sam on hunts. I won't be left behind. And if you cannot accept that I will leave and I will hunt on my own."

"No!" Fuck, not this again. Cas couldn't leave again. There was no way he would let him hunt alone. Why did Cas always want to leave them? Whether angel or human didn't seem to matter, he just wanted to leave. "That's not what I meant! It's just… Look, I don't want you to get hurt." There he said it. Maybe it was enough.

"Thank you, but I'll take care of myself," he answered stiffly.

"Cas, you can't even shoot properly!" Dean almost screamed at him in frustration.

"I can use a knife with some level of proficiency."

"Yes, great! Because every monster will let you cozy up with a knife. Damn it, don't you understand? One careless moment and you'll be dead!"

"If I die it won't be in vain," Cas said stubbornly. "I will have accomplished my goal in helping humanity. And this way I have hopefully also atoned for my previous sins."

"Oh, yeah, how very heroic," Dean snarled in sarcasm. Oh good, now Cas looked pissed.

"This is not something to be joked about!"

"No, it's not! Because it's not just about you! I can't concentrate on the hunt, when I know that you're flapping around somewhere and getting yourself killed. You're human now, your body isn't as tough as you're used to!"

Heavy breathing and cheesy film music were the only sounds in the room. They stared at each other for long seconds, neither looking away.

Cas was the first who broke. "I… Dean. You do not have to protect me."

Great. How to get the conversation to an even more uncomfortable level? Cas had done it. Mission accomplished. But the level of newfound awkwardness did not prevent Dean from voicing his thoughts. Because sometimes Sam was right and things had to be said and not just shown.

"Yeah, well… maybe I want to."

And just like that Cas had settled down. "I understand. You consider me fragile without my angelic powers. And I would prefer not to hunt alone, but I will do what I must."

"Cas…" Dean winced.

But Cas remained stubborn and didn't give an inch. "It's my choice, Dean. You cannot take it from me." And at the last phrase he smiled slightly. "It's free will."

Dean didn't know if it was Cas' words or his smile that ultimately defeated him. "And I guess we're Team Free Will, huh?" he said. "Just so you know, we're not taking you with us without training. And that means shooting, too. No hunts till you're ready for it."

"Alright," Cas agreed smoothly and with a last glance at Dean went back to watching Ariel moan about Eric, the stupid prince she gave everything for, that didn't even realize that he was in love with her and didn't deserve her after everything he'd done.

"You know I, you know, right?" he practically blurted out.

Cas blinked and frowned, his focus returning to Dean. "I do not. That was completely incomprehensible, Dean."

Oh god, oh god, oh god. What the fuck was he doing? But his mouth couldn't stop blubbering and the next words just flowed out of it without pause, "Well, but you've seen in my mind, so…"

Now Cas seemed irritated and his nose scrunched as he replied, "No, I didn't make a habit of invading your privacy in such a way."

Yeah, right, just personal space. Dean laughed nervously. "Oh… so, you have no clue what I'm talking about, right?"

The irritation in Cas' tone increased. "As I said."

"Ah." This was a train wreck. "Look, there may be something I shoulda told you before." He squirmed restlessly in his seat and couldn't look in his eyes.

"Yes?"

"YouknowIloveyouright?" he pressed through his teeth and hoped fervently that for once Cas would just get it.

A happy smile lit up Cas' face and he couldn't suppress the fluttering in his stomach, when Cas' blue, blue eyes met his. "Yes, Dean. Thank you for telling me. I love you as well. And Sam, of course. You're my family."

"What?" The fluttery feeling in his stomach had quickly turned into nausea. Because, seriously? What the heck? "…Oh, yep, family, right… We definitely are, but Cas, I like you in a different way."

"…Like what, Dean?"

This was not his life. "Well, like as… as in IN you. Okay?"

Cas' puzzled frown persisted and Dean wanted to repeatedly bang his head on the table. Or disappear, that would be good. Perhaps he should have let Death beam him into space after all.

Finally Cas nailed his coffin with, "I don't think I understand, Dean."

God, he really was going to make him say it. TWO times. And maybe he should stop calling on god considering this was all his son's fault.

Dean swallowed and declared hesitantly, "As in… in love with you, Cas." There, he'd said it. Practically spelled out with no room for misunderstanding.

And all Cas said was, "Oh."

"Yeah." He watched Cas intently for a reaction, but there was nothing , he simply seemed too stunned to say or express anything. "Cas?"

"Are you certain, Dean?"

What the- "What kind of answer is that?"

But Cas looked serious and grave as he answered him. "Dean. For all the time I have known you, you have exhibited only attraction for the female gender. Frankly this is quite unexpected."

And this was probably what Sam would call 'time to talk about your feelings'. He didn't want to, not really. Not even to Cas. He wasn't the guy for chick-flit moments, never had been, he'd rather just show it and be done with it. But Cas didn't get it, and he owed him something and an explanation would be good.

"Well, can't say I expected it. Sure, I like women. Love 'em. And I've honestly never really been attracted to a guy before. I don't know what happened. Just know that you're different, okay? Cas, I don't know, but I… want to try, with you. If you want." Let Cas make what he will from that, because Dean was done.

"Now that I'm human I find it very difficult to categorize my emotions, especially those concerning you. Ever since I raised you from the pit and touched your soul, you have captured my complete focus and interest. I devoted my life to you, Dean, and I do not regret it. And if this is something you want, that would give you pleasure, I would like to try."

Funny enough, this didn't sound like something he'd want at all. "Cas, hold on. What do you want? Not me, I'm asking if you would like to try this."

"Yes, I would," he said with certainty and Dean felt relieved, because this, this sounded more like it.

"Um… you sure?" he questioned, because he needed him to be certain. "After everything with April I really don't want to push you. We could take it slow. Real slow. Give you enough time to figure stuff out."

And one moment Dean was still looking in Cas' eyes trying to see cues and whether he should better back off, and the next Cas' warm lips were on his. Dean reacted automatically, deepening the kiss and drawing the fallen angel closer to his side. He didn't try to control himself, just took the offering for what it was and tasted the warmth and firmness of Cas' mouth thoroughly.

"What was that?" he said with smile, eyes locked on the chapped lips he just kissed to redness.

"I want to make you happy, Dean," Cas said and his eyes openly revealed his determination and devotion.

"I am. Got my brother and my angel. All's good," he said firmly. "But is this something you want, Castiel? Something you want for yourself?"

"Dean. I'm happy, if I can make you feel the happiness you deserve."

And this- this was what he was afraid of. Cas had been an angel for millennia and although Dean and Sam had tried to show him true free will, it was a relatively new concept for him. When he renounced heaven, and God in a sense, he transferred his devotion to something else and this was humanity, and through humanity Dean. If this is what Cas thought then this was wrong and Dean would never make him do anything like that.

"That's not how it works, Cas," he said and tried to leave the frustration and bitterness out of it. Because of course Cas didn't understand, he was not human. Not for the longest time.

"It does for me. I love you." And suddenly he kissed him again, stifling the words in Dean's mouth, until there was nothing on his mind but Cas and that he loved him back.

"Cas-," he started, but Cas shushed him with a finger to his lips.

"Dean, we can talk later about this, but I would prefer to watch the ending now."

"You really like that princessy stuff?" he asked, slightly stunned.

"Yes. They fought the evil merwitch and won. Finally Ariel can live happily ever after with her prince and they never have to worry about fighting again. And even Ariel's family is happy for her, though they resisted the union so strongly in the beginning. I quite like this story."

"I get that," he said and silently resigned himself to watching it many times in the future. "We could watch _'Die Hard'_ after that?" he added hopefully, because if Cas wanted to watch _'Beauty and the Beast'_ or _'Snow White'_ he would revolt.

"Hmm, with the actor who is bald, I believe?"

He chuckled, "Bruce Willis, yeah."

"I don't like him," was Cas' rather dry response.

"What? He's a legend, how can you not like him? He kicks so much ass in this. It's a classic!" Dean snapped indignantly. If he could last through a Disney movie, Cas could damn well last through _'Die Hard'._

"A classic I have no desire to see. And I know all about it from Metatron."

Well, there went that idea. And he couldn't force Cas to watch something he already knew he wouldn't like. "What about _'the Terminator'?"_

"The cyborg?" he asked.

"Yep."

Cas surprised him and said, "That is acceptable."

Dean snorted in reply. "Good to know."

With a sigh Cas snuggled into his side and Dean wrapped his arm securely around him. His answer was slightly muffled, because his mouth lay against Dean's chest and he could feel his hot breath through the thin fabric.

"I like robots."

"Oh, really?" Dean chuckled, amused despite himself. "Anyway, the fight scenes are great and Arnie's badass. He's all 'talk to the hand' and stuff. You'll like it."

"I know I will," Cas said, smiling softly as King Triton changed Ariel from a mermaid into a human and let her go the way she decided on for herself.

THE END

AN: Thanks for reading! And just saying, reviews would be lovely! ;)


End file.
